


Try

by Nilla_Babe (orphan_account)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, Sappy, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Hatred, Self-Mutilation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 12:07:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20741942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Nilla_Babe
Summary: A slightly angsty chat between Steven and Spinel, emotions will ensue.





	Try

_ When captive animals experience high stress, they will often develop dangerous coping mechanisms. For example, large cats pace when stressed; increasing their heart rate and creating anxiety. Animals have also self-mutilated to distract from feelings of anxiety or stress. This originates from a mammals' need to regulate their surroundings and... _

Steven  _ knows  _ that Gems are more complex than animals, but the article comes to mind when he's with Spinel. They are only talking, but the heart-shaped Gem seems unable to hold still. The soft  _ squeaking  _ of her shoes loses its charm as it becomes frequent with each shift in her stance. She talks with her hands, waving her arms with each new sentence. 

And then she'll make a mistake. She'll say something that she doesn't mean to- something about her injector or Pink Diamond. And then she'll grimace. Grimace and then pull at her pigtails until she relaxes and thinks of something else to say. It doesn't take long for Steven to realize this pattern, and part of him  _ can't  _ let it go. 

Strands of hair were beginning to cling to Spinel's hands, and she bit her lip whenever she wasn't forcing a smile. When Steven seemed to lose interest, she found some forced jokes to try and regain his attention. Regardless, he couldn't focus on Spinel when she seemed so intent on degrading herself.

"... I mean, I'd abandon myself too if I had the choice!"

Spinel gave a cackling laugh, before wincing when she pulled another chunk of hair from her head. When she realized that Steven wasn't laughing- she stuttered for something else to say.

Finally, Steven reached out and grabbed her hands- cupping them in his own. "Spinel. What's wrong?" He finally asked.

"Whaddya mean, Steven?" She asked with sickly cheerfulness, "nothin's wrong." Her eyes didn't meet his, and she stared down at their hands. When he brushed the strands of hair from her hands, she winced. 

"Then why do you keep doing this?" He said, "you keep hurting yourself, Spinel." 

"I-" Spinel blinked in surprise- as if the question had caught her off-guard. "W-What do you mean?" She finally asked. 

Steven lowered her hands to her lap, covering them with the blanket that was on the back of the couch. "Pulling your hair," he said, "and biting your lip. You keep making jokes about yourself and trying to make light of it but... You really don't like yourself, do you Spinel?"

Spinel exhaled, before shaking her head, "don't worry about it-"

"It's too late," Steven said tone flat as he forced her fidgeting hands still. "You're always hurting yourself, and I want to know why.

"I... I can't focus, overall the... Noise." Spinel breathed out.

"Noise?"

Spinel nodded, "I hear voices... Reminding me of what I did, of how Pink Diamond left me for something so much better than me... Of how childish I was to think she was coming back..." She exhaled softly, "I... I don't like myself, Steven."

Steven wasn't sure what to say; while he was usually the best with words, his mind was racing at this admission. "Spinel... I know... I know I usually know what to say to make things right. But... this is something that you need to believe yourself before you can feel better..."

Biting her lip, Spinel gave another nod as he continued talking. "You're not going to feel welcomed immediately, not after everything that's happened but... Once you're comfortable with yourself... You'll realize that other people's opinions don't matter as much."

"But I can't make you feel comfortable with yourself, Spinel. You have to do that part yourself." 

Without realizing it, Spinel had leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Steven. The teen returned the hug with a reassuring squeeze, and they stayed in silence until Spinel finally spoke. 

"I can try."


End file.
